The Most Important Thing You'll Ever Learn About Theatre

It's my goal, now that I've started this thing, to post at least once a week until I run out of things to say. (Stop laughing.) Since I'm not feeling well this week, I'll cheat a little and share something someone else wrote - the most important information that anyone in theatre, community or otherwise, should know. It's something I was introduced to while studying theatre in college, and have never forgotten. (If anyone knows who wrote this, I'd appreciate being able to attribute it!)

Theatrical Structure Explained

Producer:
Leaps Tall Buildings In A Single Bound
Is More Powerful Than A Locomotive
Is Faster Than A Speeding Bullet
Walks On Water
Gives Policy To God

Director:
Leaps Short Buildings In A Single Bound
Is More Powerful Than A Switch Engine
Is Just As Fast As A Speeding Bullet
Walks On Water If The Sea Is Calm
Talks With God

Playwright:
Leaps Short Buildings With A Running Start
Is Almost As Powerful As A Switch Engine
Is Faster Than A Speeding BB
Swims Well
Is Occasionally Addressed By God

Actor:
Makes High Marks On The Wall When Trying To Leap Buildings
Is Run Over By Locomotives
Can Sometimes Handle A Gun Without Inflicting Self-Injury
Dog Paddles
Talks To Animals

Band:
Runs Into Buildings
Recognizes Locomotives Two Out Of Three Times
Is Not Issued Ammunition
Can Stay Afloat With A Life Preserver
Talks To Walls

Chorus:
Falls Over Doorsteps When Trying To Enter Buildings
Says, Look At The Choo-Choo!
Wets Self With A Water Pistol
Plays In Mud Puddles
Mumbles To Self

Stage Manager:
Lifts Buildings And Walks Under Them
Kicks Locomotives Off The Track
Catches Speeding Bullets In Teeth And Eats Them
Freezes Water With A Single Glance
Is GOD