Unfinished Thoughts

I want to keep this blog alive, I really do. It may not seem like I put much effort into it, but I currently have on my hard drive four unfinished blog posts. They are a garbled, stream-of-consciousness mess, unfinished and indecipherable. Much like life.

Part of the reason I have trouble focusing my thoughts is my inability to be an active part of the theatre community right now. I’ve whined about that in previous posts, I won’t go into all that again. But it does create a disconnect that makes it a little harder to communicate.

Another issue that arises when faced with the hodge-podge of words and phrases on my screen that stubbornly refuse to cohere is the question, “Why?”

Why write this?

What’s the difference?

Who’s listening?

Now, stop right there. This isn’t a plea for ego stroking, but a genuine question every theatre endeavor must address at some point: Who is my audience?

I could say I’m just doing this for myself, but then why publish it on a blog? Why post it to my facebook? Why not just keep a little private theatre diary?  Why?

I could say I’m doing it to advance my web presence, but then why don’t I actively promote the blog outside of my own circle? Why not spam other blogs with links to my blog? Why?

If you strip away the bots in my blog stats, I would say about 10-12 sentient beings read my posts on average. Which, let’s face it, is more sentient beings than I had at my last birthday party. Of those, maybe half let me know they read it – either by commenting, or sending me a message, “Hey, I read it!”. Of the ones that I know read it, about 75% are theatre people, the other two are family. (Thank you, family!)

So if I need to suss out a reason for writing this blog (and I do), then there is my audience. I’m playing to an audience of about 12, six of whom sit way in the back and slip out during curtain call. Two of them stand in the lobby and wait for a moment when they can grab you and tell you it was great before sliding out the door. The last four are the ones who stick around, discussing and dissecting until the lobby goes dark.

We all want to play to a full house, but even a small audience keeps me engaged. The ones who fill out the numbers on my stats, the ones who are only there for support, and the ones who are actively participating, all become a thin lifeline to the second most important part of my life.

So I’ll keep that in mind as I try to get those other posts blog-ready. If you’re curious, the errant posts are titled “Peas and Carrots”, “The Friends and Family Plan”, and . . . well, I can’t find the other two on my hard drive anywhere. Which means I have seriously misfiled them. If they’re as brilliant as I hope they are, they’ll find their way back to me, and perhaps one of those posts will be the one that brings me a full house, and fewer people slipping quietly out the door.

And I will finish a thought one of these . . .